What Was I Supposed to Do?

I was standing at my kitchen counter preparing lunch when I felt a heavy presence in the kitchen with me. It was a massive thickness that caused me to lay the utensils in my hand aside and hold on tight to the counter because it felt as if I was going to fall. I grasped the counter with all of my might as a voice clearly spoke from within, "Vicki, stop what you are doing and go get Louis's family because immigration is coming for his wife today." At that point, I knew that God was speaking to me, but I ignored Him.

Though Louis had been a faithful and excellent employee on Hope Mountain, I did not want to bring his family onto our property. I enjoyed the peace and quiet when at home and I absolutely did not want the bother of babies and a small child messing up my tranquility.

My life was already full of sacrifices. I was already being pulled in many directions so the last thing I wanted to add was more stress. Plus, it wasn't my fault they crossed over into the Dominican Republic from Haiti and did not secure the necessary paperwork. I can't help everyone. So, I chose to disobey God.

I could barely get through making lunch because His presence would not leave the room. I was shaking and crying. He kept urging me to go get them and I kept acting as if I could not hear Him. I felt justified in my response. Surely God did not think that I was capable of giving up more. He must've forgotten about my personal problems that still were not resolved. I was pretty sure that He wasn't thinking about how behind I was on my administrative duties and of how our ministry needed me to minister.

My home was my only sanctuary and now He wanted to take that away from me too! It didn't feel fair. So I kept telling myself that God wasn't speaking to me and that my subconscious was playing games with me.

A little while later, I was in my bedroom getting ready to leave for a meeting in the city, I heard another voice. This time it was that of my husband Ruben, "Vicki, did you hear about Louis's wife?" As soon as the words came out of his mouth, my body fell into the same wobbly state as before. "Vicki, his wife is hiding in the woods and the babies are all alone in the house screaming and crying because she can't come home. Immigration is coming for her. They know that she is up here and they want her."

My mind imagined why they were so bent on bringing her in while there were so many undocumented Haitian men around. They could've filled up their truck with the men, yet they were after this woman. At that moment, I had flashes of her life in Haiti and I could clearly see why she so desperately wanted to be in the Dominican Republic.

I couldn't stand any longer so I sat on the bed, "Honey, God spoke to me today in the kitchen and told me to go get her because they were coming for her but I didn't obey. And now those babies are being traumatized and so is she. We have to go get them." I was still talking but he was already out the door rushing to go find her.

I sat on the bed and begged God for forgiveness.

Soon thereafter, a new family moved onto Hope Mountain. Mom, dad, their eight year old daughter who looks like she is four, and the set of twins (boy and girl) settled into one of our dorms. It has not been easy. I must say that this season of ministry has been full of stretching, pulling, reaching, crying and grief for me. I wish that I could say that our days have been full of laughter and happiness, but I would be lying.

Instead, we've had to walk with them hand in hand as they unravel trauma. They've lived in the reality of torment. They have experienced the brutal truth of an acrimonious existence. Each of them have layers of fear, shame and pain to unravel and its all happening right before my eyes everyday.

The repair of a damaged soul takes the love of a healing God.

There are so many dismal absolutes about their lives, but I am encouraged that the God that I and they now serve is so much bigger. Their lives no longer hang in the balance because they are safe now. Their children are no longer malnourished because they have food now. Their souls are making their way towards complete healing because God has extended His favor upon them.

And I am learning to do all of what God wants me to do, even when it causes me to deny myself.